Cleckylad

England would have won 10 nil If I'd been mayor

I once had a girlfriend who insisted I took her to see the boat race. I found out later she had no interest in the race,but someone had told her the winning team, dropped their Cox in the water. She never could spell 🤣🤣

Dear lionesses I'm 77 years old, with a dicky heart Please no extra time No penalties No last minute goals Just bring it home, you absolute legends.

I was in M&S the other day and 20 people shouted at me to feck off Unfortunately they were customers

Bill, flobba dobba dobba Ben "if you really loved me, you'd swallow that" Too much ❓

Yorkshire water has put in a request to extract water from local rivers due to the drought. Would this be the same rivers they've been filling with human excrement ❓ I'm sticking to the Gin 😜😜

The next door neighbour has just been round His wife has given birth to a little girl. They've decided to call her Delilah. I had to ask. Why,why why ❓

Bingo Beryl is venting her spleen a lot today Probably lost her Oyster card again

The BBC have decided to show the last series of Master Chef. There is no truth in the rumour that the pudding chosen by Greg Wallace is spotted dick. Unfortunately 😜😜😜😜

Every time you turn on the news You're reminded that Yorkshire water and others are Imposing a hose pipe ban. So why T F are they spending money on advertising on Yorkshire TV. Don't know about the rest,but crying the poor tale seems a bit disingenuous 🤔

Let me through I need to apologise to 92 years old Betty Brown Who's life has been ruined by the post office scandal. Well after I've been to Church of course.

Breaking news The Epstein papers in full Epstein kept a list of REDACTED, REDACTED, REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED. Hope this stops the rumours J R TRUMP

Ladies and gentlemen of the world. This is an English MP I shit you not.

My next door neighbour has just been arrested for poisoning his wife with a razor blade. He gave her arse a nick 😜😜😜

Let me through I need to buy tickets for the Post office choir

Dear MasterChef Gis us a job

If I have to listen to Sharon Stone shedding crocodile tears And saying "You're going to make it " One more time,my foots going through the screen 🫩🫩

Fucking hell Donald You've got fingers like horses hooves

There is absolutely no truth in the rumour That these two play POO sticks With real poo 🫩

My neighbours get upset when I call my cat late at night. Can't see the problem calling him Cooking fat 🤣 GET IN THE HOUSE YOU COOKING FAT