Chris

You are lower than dirt if you capitalize on marital strife. Think of the children

Will Smith freestyle: *growls* He talked smack about my wife Now I call him Chris Rocked

It’s payback time

The real James Bond is a Dominican Afro Latino named Porfirio Rubirosa. You might disagree. You might even have evidence to the contrary. But you have to ask yourself: is this really worth losing my job over? The real James Bond is a Dominican Afro Latino named Porfirio Rubirosa.

Can’t be more excited @joshgad Broward County Florida doing Spaceballs

Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves

Infuriating how everyone suddenly goes deaf the moment I explain Diet Coke is just repackaged Tab and Coke Zero is the real Coke clone. open your ears (or mouth) sheeple. Check out the picture- I found a Coke with your name on it. #SodaTruth @CocaCola @pepsi #ShareaCoke

Xbox remoteplay on SteamDeck is very impressive. Im in Florida jacked into my xbox in New York

At a wedding with old college friends and they keep calling me by my old nickname "Robin Williams (I was a class clown). Guess Im still wearing that mask of "hilarious energy’" but deep behind that mask, Im just wondering when the cake will be served. #ToughCrowd #LifeOfTheParty

I picked up a Coke Zero and panicked thinking it expired in the year 0. I was like “Wow even Jesus didn’t drink this one!”

Dave’s spoiler alert: Your knees will stage a full-blown rebellion by 35, and your back will file for divorce over that time you “just crashed on the couch.” Keep ignoring sleep and sunscreen, your future self is totally sending you a glitter bomb of regret.

Chong be with bong And also with blunts In Cheech's name, amen.

Lunch. It’s what’s for dinner.

“The fucking is supposed to be at eye level.”- Cuck Chair Warehouse rep