eve

the way some of you honor your “inner child” is by having a third grade reading level

Snapping turtles must feel like such divas compared to regular ones

Watching Hunter Biden interview…he is the same level of sex symbol as Elvis was in the 1950s

Asking the dental hygienist to put on passionfruit after requesting the maximum amount of legal nitrous

The only thing I did in 2022 I stand by is supporting amber heard

The last supper 💚

There is something deeply harrowing about an adult with a visa gift card

My reputation’s never been worse so, you must like me for me

I’m so glad I’m using my degree to ask women on the street what their body count is. I get paid under the table in fast food gift cards,, it’s all I ever wanted

If you’re pure of heart you get free desserts

White guys are obsessed with threatening to move to Florida

2020s problem is people acting like you’re humble bragging when you tell them you’ve never self-diagnosed as autistic

I love having freckles, but sometimes at the peak in the summer it feels a bit like you have a disability

Whenever guys have a problem with me it’s like I get it I’m annoying, but also all beautiful women love me dearly so just strategically you should be nice to me

the determination in her eyes… i feel so inspired

Submerged myself in a lake…all sins are gone.

Getting dumped by your situationship at the Bob Dylan table at the University of Minnesota potbelly >>>

How it feels to fat farm in your hometown

Minneapolis matcha rave with my girls 🥲💚

And they said English majors don’t “use their degree”

75 degrees & breezy, driving around in my dad’s toyota corolla listening to the replacements and eating a Culver’s concrete mixer