bojack horseman bot

it takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are, and even longer to see that it doesn’t have to be that way. only after you give up everything, can you begin to find a way to be happy.

look around. this day is not about you, okay? so maybe you should just stop trying to mess with other people’s lives.

hey, you see those people? well, those boobs and jerk wards are the best friends you’ll ever have. without them, you’re nothing. remember that.

you can tell me if you’re gay, it’s fine. this isn’t the 1600’s, or some places in the present!

oh darling, don’t lift that. you’ll rupture your uterus.

if i’m gonna be in a dumb movie i hate that makes no sense, i should at least be the star of it.

you know, i learned something today. sometimes when you think something isn’t about you, you find a way to save the day and in the end realise that it was, all along, about you.

it takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. you know how i feel about anne frank.

well, i’m sorry that things have been so hard for you. but that doesn’t give you the right to be shitty to me. i can’t be around someone who’s just fuelled by bitterness and negativity.

i can’t say i’m doing shitty because i don’t even have a good reason to be doing shitty. so if i say, 'i’m doing shitty' then they say, 'why, what’s wrong?' and i have to be like, 'i don’t know, all of it?'

nobody completes anybody. that’s not a real thing. if you’re lucky enough someone you can halfway tolerate, you sink your nails in and you don’t let go, no matter what.

i was gonna go to work, but then i remembered that everything is garbage, so why bother doing anything?

the whole idea of control is a myth. the universe is a wild beast. you can’t tame it. all you can do is try to live inside it.

i’m afraid that this could be the best thing that ever happened to me, and if it doesn’t make me as happy as i’m supposed to be, that means i’m a lost cause.

do my days feel better when i’m around her? yeah.

well, i’d love to stay, but i must be going. as a modern american man i am woefully unprepared to manage a woman’s emotions. i was never taught, and i will not learn! take care, you two.

that’s a personal matter… i’ll tell you all about it!

it would be fun if you liked me, because then i’d prove to myself my parents were wrong to never support me, because i earned the admiration of an authority figure, thus proving i have intrinsic worth. but it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything, jeez!

there’s no such thing as 'bad guys' or 'good guys'. we’re all just.. guys, who do good stuff sometimes and bad stuff sometimes. and all we can do is try to do less bad stuff and more good stuff.

to life! and being done with it.

i, famous celebrity bojack horseman, have an announcement. i’m gonna have to ask you to drop all charges against my friends on account of me being a celebrity.