bobby
@bobby
the goat of all time.
somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.
i'm hiring a "design engineer" to work on a new social app from Some Of The Guys Who Brought You Vine. job fun. pay good. dm or email for info.
it's straight up slightly nicer to be alive when there's a big HBO show airing on sunday nights and everyone is watching it. the government should fund that show. it's actually so important.
everyone looks great in a santa hat. kind of a shame that it’s such a seasonal accessory.
today my child has achieved her dream of being alive in the world for one full year and has received a promotion from Baby to Toddler. she likes the grocery store and dancing and she shoots 93% from the foul line. she is a monkey so i made her a banana cake.
(Repairing wrecked boat village boy approaches with picture from my pack) Bahu bah? {Monster} Me: No bahu bah. Marmaduke…Buha bet {Friend} Boy: Mar-ma-duke…Your? Me: Not mine. Everybodys. {confused look} he is…like Wind. Everyones Boy {grinning} Marmaduke is like Wind
(context: i have a mustache.) we ate dinner at a pizzeria and when i sat down the toddler at the table next to us stared at me for a second then leaned over to his mom and whispered loud as fuck “IS THAT MARIO.”
told the guy at mcdonald’s i had mobile order “victor bravo 6-7” and he laughed at me. sorry for being tactical in the drive thru.
accidentally booked a no pets hotel so this is how we have to smuggle mose in and out. merry christmas.
(pressing my face really hard against a wall during an argument with my wife) I want some candy so bad right now
it’s been about 9 months since i became a father and in that time i’ve come to the conclusion that Daughters are superior to Sons. there are a bunch of reasons for this but the main one is that men should not be children.
pasta actually makes perfect sense as a breakfast food if you think about it. lil bowl of breakfast pasta. throw some sausage in there, some cheese. whatever you want. it’s pasta for breakfast.