Mrk

Well this butthole isn’t going to tan itself

Did someone say drink

Just before someone dies, to comfort them as they wheeze and take their last breath, pulling at the tube in their nose, why not play them a video of Ricky Gervais saying that there is no god.

Bought a demi baguette. You’ve probably not heard of that before.

Is the ginger bar lady at the old vic also the mad receptionist from the brittas empire?

This day is really dragging #today

Friday

Someone just sent me a fax saying hulk hogan = dead.

I was banned for a day for saying we should murder the kaiser chiefs. I see now that this was a bad thing to say, and I have taken the day to reflect on my behaviour. I now believe that the kaiser chiefs should definitely not be murdered.

Thursday

We all know about Madeleine McCann and her mysterious disappearance from her hotel room in Praia da Luz, Portugal, back in 2007. However, what you may have forgotten is that Kate and Gerry McCann murdered her and got away with it.

MORE BOTOX

Not Gwen Stefani

I had a cottage pie and one beer. Now it’s time for a bath, and then I’ll get into bed. Then it’ll be Thursday.

Axl Rose is dead!

I’m on the for u tab just seeing what y’all were up to last night

What if we all die before Paul McCartney