PUNS
@ThePunnyWorld
Follow for the most hilarious puns and dad jokes! Not affiliated with any of my tweets.
"What are your dogs' names?" Me: "Calvin and Klein." "Isn't that a brand of underwear?" Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything
When I was young, I thought only rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products. Turns out those were just stereotypes.
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden. How the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in there is a dog. It's a shitzu
Did you hear about the watchmaker who is half Spanish and half Irish? His name is Juan O'Clock
I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well. He’s a very good buoy
Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory. Police are combing the area
I told the nurse I was bitten by a wolf. “Where?” she asked. “No. Regular”
To the person that stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts.
Somebody just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me. I was like: “What the Hellman!”
My wife got me a jar of dirt for my birthday. I told her I appreciate the sediment
Someone tried to sell me a coffin today. I said, that's the last thing I need.
My roommates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.
"Dad, can I eat the cake in the fridge?" "Sure, but the dining room would probably be more comfortable"
I applied for a job hanging mirrors. It's something I can see myself doing