SoHo Shithead
@SoHoShithead
This account exists to document the decline of a city turned brand, one finance bro, influencer meltdown, and tragic brunch date at a time.
New York in July is just 8 million people sharing one single working AC unit.
My company doesn’t officially do Summer Fridays, so I just pretend to have recurring “therapy” at 2PM every week.
Every sidewalk in NYC in the summer is either a runway, a dog’s toilet, or both.
Summer in NYC is just you, your delusions, and 8 million people sweating in close proximity.
NYC summer is the only time of year where going outside counts as cardio and therapy. 🥵
Every park in NYC right now is just couples fake-laughing and one guy doing shirtless tai chi near a bluetooth speaker.
Woke up back in the city with a hangover, an empty iced coffee, and a new fear of my own Instagram story.
The city smells like hot trash, but the thirst traps are in full bloom.
hater: new york is dead whale: don't listen to them, eric
this was taken just off brooklyn last week. our waters aren't just alive — they're teeming.
Tony!!!
The CEO of a sanitation company in NJ just got caught having an affair at a Coldplay concert.
Just saw a guy in a Patagonia vest “working remotely” on the Le Bain roof deck. God bless capitalism.
Nothing like Summer Fridays, when you “sign off early” and immediately sign into Aperol Spritz mode.
NYC women spend money like they will all marry rich.
Every iced matcha in SoHo tastes like influencer tears and generational wealth.
Summer in SoHo: where the outfits are sheer, the espresso is $9, and nobody actually works but everyone’s “in fashion.”
Cuomo’s campaign slogan should be: “If you can make it through a scandal here, you can make it anywhere.”