Norm Macdonald Joke of the Day

Finally, according to the U.S. News and World Report 1997 Career Guide... the best job in the United States, for the second year in a row, is Interactive Business System Analyst. However, last year's worst job, Assistant Crack Whore, has been replaced by a new worst job. Crack…

Kato Kaelin spent four days on the witness stand this week. Making it the longest job he has ever held.

In Michigan, state historical commission officials say they will NOT interfere with the building of a new major sports stadium, even if construction unearths historical artifacts. However, state Indian Affair officials say that if relics from a Native American tribe are found,…

Recent studies indicate the number of people getting the AIDS virus appear to be declining sharply. But it is important for viewers to remember one thing. Sex without condoms feels better.

Just days after she was freed by a Massachusetts judge, British nanny Louise Woodward has received numerous job offers from families seeking an au pair. Although her attorneys refuse to say precisely who has made these offers, speculation has surfaced that JonBenet Ramsey's…

After closing out a successful first season, the WNBA is considering several changes to improve the level of play in the league next year. Among the proposals? Extending the playoffs. Increasing salaries. Bringing back the three point line. And replacing all the female players…

Roseanne was married on Valentine's Day. And gee, you know, as romantic as that sounds, I find myself far more interested in almost anything else that is going on on the face of the planet.

The Pope came out with a book this week. It contains a series of essays examining faith and morality in today's secular world. And the changing role of the Catholic Church as it approaches the twenty-first century. The book is entitled, "God Himself told me that O.J. is…

The Artist formerly known as Prince says he now wants to be known as, simply, "The Artist." Meanwhile, I will continue to refer to him as, simply, "The Fruit."

And now, a correction to a story we ran last week. Prince Charles is actually the one in the MIDDLE.

Finally, after forty years in California, the Los Angeles Dodgers are up for sale. And many New York fans are calling for the team to return to Brooklyn. It's all part of a plan to mess with Bob Dole's mind.

This week, a milestone in rock music. R.E.M. drummer Bill Berry has announced that he is quitting the band. Berry, who has been with R.E.M. for seventeen years, says the decision to leave was entirely mutual. Between himself, and his giant eyebrow.

This week, in the O.J. Simpson civil trial, the focus shifted. From the defendant, to the alleged character flaws of Nicole Brown Simpson. Attorneys for O.J. hammered away at her lifestyle - citing sexual promiscuity, drug use, and the fact that she married a double murderer.

After years of research, a team of biologists has succeeded in altering the genetic structure of mice, to create a new breed of larger, hairier, more violently aggressive mice. They call their new creation, "The rat."

A two-inch hummingbird that waited too long to fly south, and ended up stranded in Alaska, will be flown via commercial airline to California this week. You know... I have another solution to this. Kill the hummingbird.

According to a recent study published in New Choices magazine, the more household chores a husband does, the more likely his wife is to report having good sex. The article explains that when a man does a substantial amount of housework, it gives his wife some time to go out and…

In Maine, political activists are trying to push through a Constitutional amendment that would expand voting rights for the mentally ill. But according to insiders, it's really just a ploy by supporters of Ross Perot.

Toy maker Mattel has decided to give its Barbie doll a new and less curvaceous body. This, in response to criticism that Barbie's current measurements - if she were six feet tall - would read an unrealistic 38-18-34. Feminists are applauding the move but, personally, I think…

Well, a sad story from Britain this week. According to the Earl of Spencer, several intruders have recently broken into his family estate in search of souvenirs from Princess Diana's grave. But the Earl says he knows just how to protect the site. Landmines!

President Clinton received an early Christmas present this week - an adorable Labrador puppy. And presidential historians say that it will be good for his image. According to the scholars, in comparison to a male dog, the President's sex life will seem relatively normal.