SLT Newbie

Hi all, Thanks so much for spending all your Year 11 gained time helping Maths relocate to the third floor. Unfortunately, we’ve just found out that Miss Johnson is pregnant and can no longer do stairs. Therefore today’s CPD will be moving them back to the ground floor. Thanks x

Hi all, The CEO and all of the Senior Leadership Team wish yourselves all a happy, relaxing and restful holiday and thank yourselves for your commitment and hard work this year. Thanks x

Hi all, From Monday all Year 10 students not achieving a Grade 7 or above will be invited to attend Catch Up lessons. We have decided to make it fun and supportive and will be providing “Catch Up Nurture Team” T-shirts and tote bags to pupils and staff. Thanks x

Hi all, I’m spending my holiday trying to find ways to reduce your workload. So far I have created 25 daily forms for you to complete before you start work each day which will take around an hour or so to complete but really will reduce your workload. Over time. Thanks x

Hi parents, As many of you have complained about the price of uniform, students will no longer need an official blazer from September. Any supermarket blazer will do. You must, however, sew an official badge (£12.99) on it. You can’t just write TWAT on it with a sharpie. Thanks x

Hi all, Due to a miscalculation, we think you have actually only completed 1264 of your 1265 hours this year. To rectify this, there will be a briefing on Monday at 8am. One of the Assistant Assistant Vice Assistant Vice Principals will play a clip of VAK or Maslow. Thanks x

Hi all, Summer School starts on Monday. It has been put on especially to help those who have done nothing this year, those who have just wasted their time and are massively underachieving. As well as the PE and Geography Departments, there may be a few kids as well. Thanks x

Hi all, Yesterday’s guest speaker, Peter Dunning-Kruger, was absolutely amazing. We were really impressed and think his £25K fee was totally justified. You’ll all get a copy of his book, “If I can do it, anyone can” and we’ll be adopting all of his ideas in September. Thanks x

Yay! *hastily jumps on the bandwagon* #England

That’s me done for the holidays. Enjoy the next three days of CPD before Summer School starts… #outofoffice

Hi all, I’m putting together duty teams for September. If there is someone you don’t like, for a small fee I can put you in a different team. Also, if there’s somewhere you’d prefer to be, let’s say indoors or near your classroom, we can arrange that for a larger fee. Thanks x

Hi New staff, Our new staff guided tour of the catchment area takes place on Friday. We have hired bodyguards and an armoured personnel carrier. However, you will be responsible for your own protective clothing. We can rent you a bulletproof vest for £25 for the day. Thanks x

Hi all, We are going to replace our Cover Supervisors with “Teacher Supervisors”. This is a new post in which cover supervisors have a timetable and classes but they’re not actually teachers. All the fun of being a real teacher but with the salary of a cover supervisor. Thanks x

Just 10 or so hours left to download my book for free! 🙂 #youknowyouwantto

Hi all, An eagle eyed Year 7 Duolingo user has pointed out that The Willows motto “sede et tace” does not mean “strength and tenacity” like our former Head of Classics told us. We have, however decided to keep it, as it better reflects the values of The Academy. Thanks x

Still free for the next 24 hours or so…

Hi all, We’d like you all to look at the Year 7 classes for September and decide from their photos which ones will be trouble. In years gone by, you could tell by their names but now, even some nice families are giving their kids stupid names. Remember “Bear” in 7A? Thanks x

Hi all, From September, we’re going to be one of those “nothing on the walls” outstanding Academies. This means you must remove everything from your classroom and corridor walls, including staples, before the grey paint starts to go up at 8am on Monday. Thanks x

As it is the holidays (for most of us), I’m celebrating by giving away the 4th volume of my “toxic emails” book on Kindle. You have just 48 hours to grab it for free here: amazon.co.uk/Hi-all-Thanks-…

Hi all, It was a wonderful end to the teaching year yesterday. Thank you for all your hard work. Monday is the start of CPD Week. Be in the Main Hall at 7:30. If we stick to the timetable, we can all leave at 6pm. Thanks x