M❍n❍t❍ne❍fBill™
@MonotoneofBill
I'm Ernie from Southern Maine. Mostly post wordplay in retirement. Like streaming, early jazz and the Boston teams. I only DM with people I know. #IFollowBack
“What do you know about Bonsai trees?” “Very little.”
Brian flunked his aboriginal music exam. I said, “Did you redo it?”
Eww—I accidentally drank holy water instead of laxative. I think I’ll soon be starting a whole new religious movement.
The people who display art in a museum are all exhibitionists.
What do you call Sir Paul McCartney’s being disqualified for a senior marathon? Banned on the run.
Dave’s wife is leaving him due to his obsession with astronomy. What planet is she on?
If it were 1941, I would probably post: “Pardon me Roy — is that the cat who chewed the new shoes?”
Do not approach the author of Stradivarius’s bio. He has a history of violins.
Just said to the wife, "Training camps are about to open." She thought I said training pants.
I like to learn something new every day. Winter is the most popular season for bank robberies and Friday is the most popular day, especially from 9-11a.
“How long do you plan to keep quoting Elton John?” “I think it’s gonna’ be a long, long time …”
Which breed of dog is best at locking and unlocking doors? Yorkie.
People chortle because my Yugo is ugly and green. At least I avocado.
To give them a little break from the zoo, I transported several animals to dinner. One didn’t bring his wallet so I paid the lion’s share.
Two Ovaltine trucks collided on the Turnpike. State Police call it a malty vehicle accident.
Morning Mini-Miracle: Loading groceries into the trunk. Strong wind blew my hat off. Instead of having to chase it around the parking lot, I saw it land right in an open grocery bag.
Off to fix Cat Stevens’ patio due to damage from high winds. Awning has broken.