Michael Zakrzewski

It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

I was born with grease under my fingernails, but there's no denying (or stopping) the progress the EV industry is making. Might just have to trade in my horse & buggy.

Had to take a closeup pic of my face this morning for our upcoming trip out of the country. Whoever is responsible for high def cameras in phones, I want you to know you're a heartless bastard and I hope you feel bad.

For some reason “tightly wrapped tassels” reminds of George Castanza talking about “shrinkage”

If we're being honest as a nation we should probably replace "E pluribus unum" with "Oh look, a squirrel!"

I’m 5’3” so clearly God says I don’t HAVE to be the bigger person in this argument-checkmate, ya’ hosers.

There's a new battery record in Texas. Last night was the first time batteries discharged over 6,000 megawatts of power to the ERCOT grid. Solar record Thursday. Battery record Friday. No conservation alerts, no grid emergencies. #txlege #txenergy

I haven't raised corn in quite a while, but my marketing strategy would've best been described as "counting on a late season derecho."

I bet if ICE posted a few videos of themselves in their stupid little costumes bursting into corporate offices and arresting business owners who hire undocumented workers the issue would be nearly non-existent in a week. So, so tired of this admin's performative bullshit.

This wins today.

Sorry I lied all those years ago-your baby was actually quite ugly.

Just realized that Garth Brooks created his alter ego Chris Gaines in 1999 and Riley Gaines is currently 25 years old. Do with this information what you will.

What we're up against, & your guy is "bringing back coal" and hawking colognes.

Death, taxes, & people putting "Christian" & "Patriot" in their bios while showing us they're anything but...

In the last two weeks I’ve stayed at hotels in Sioux Falls and Lincoln-both times when I opened the door at 7AM to go to breakfast there’s been an overwhelming odor of pot in the hotel hallway. I’m old enough to remember when the best part of waking up was Folgers in your cup.

Spend enough time on twitter and you realize the reason we occasionally have toilet paper shortages in the US is because there are way too many assholes. #Occamsrazor

Think you're not getting old? Somewhere right now in the US of A there's most certainly an elderly dude in a nursing home jamming out to ac/dc & van halen, & he probably has a secret stash of gummies hidden away that his favorite nephew or grandson sneaks in for him.

Has anyone ever seen JD Vance and Travis Tritt in the same room together?

When you're an introvert every room with people is an escape room.