Marshall Scott
@Marshall__Scott
I am here to tweet
Renting a uhaul to make my neighbors think I’m moving and then pretending like I never met them when I see them next
Slipping the anesthesiologist a twenty and asking them to keep me under for a few weeks
No I didn't see the Coldplay jumbotron thing I was busy looking at my wife
Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day
No I didn't see Donald start WWIII I was busy looking at my wife
Asking my dentist a question then sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies
Sitting on the curb explaining to the garbage man that four stickers should be more than enough for him to haul me away
First date idea: we make an entire bag of pizza rolls and cyber bully your boss
I’m a consumer of literature
Going to the library to eat some books
An ice bath but it's a shower that pelts you with golf ball sized ice cubes
Just ordered a forklift certification from the dark web
I showed up 37 minutes late
Calling my boss to ask if he can get to work a little early tomorrow so we can get a head start on the day