jameslileks.substack.com
@Lileks
Writer, ex- columnist for @StarTribune because hey, the ash-heap waits for all, mid-century pop-culture enthusiast, hater of "quirky" last lines in online bios
If you ever doubted that a dog could multitask, wait until the mailman appears as the dog is throwing up
Had to make a late night run for milk because we’re hosting brunch. Dog, unhappy about thunder, insisted he come along. He is not used to car rides at night, so he was staring through the rain-spattered windshield, rapt, fascinated, and confused.
Ran into my great Diner radio show producer the Dark Chef at the grocery store. Now a personal banker. I know he has a big Klingon tattoo, and I wish I’d asked if he’d added a Ferengi symbol
An unusual twist to the usual sequence: now that I am retired, I have stopped watching Judge Judy
To commemorate my first day of being retired from the StarTribune, here’s my first piece as a former staffer. startribune.com/lessons-from-c…
Just concluded my first help call with Social Security. The agent was helpful, efficient, patient, and nothing made any sense unless I unticked a certain box, and also I need form CHTV-L2958-A, and a secret word provided by a hermit who lives in a cave
It’s my last day at work ever, and it feels like I’m about to perish, but also I’m 106 years old so it’s okay
I think I’m getting carpal tunnel from entering my VIN in the Minneapolis impound website every three minutes. I can’t wait to buy a self driving car so the next time I’m carjacked I can lock the doors and drive it to the police station
Phone recovered, backpack with laptop recovered. I had wiped both while calling 911. Adrenaline really does allow for the most marvelous multitasking.
The sheer evil of the carjackers: they realized they could be tracked by my AirPods, so they threw them out at two different locations, sending me on a hands-and-knees scouting mission on strangers’ lawns. No luck.