Kyle 🌱
@KylePlantEmoji
I am incredibly online | King of edible leaves, his majesty the spinach | he/him | the hits https://twitter.com/kyleplantemoji/timelines/1018635337923473409
Coworker: good to be back at work though, break felt a little long to me if I'm being honest The Slavic Man I Hired To Pour Hot Soups On People Who Annoy Me: here come da ladle
All the other kids With the uncut dicks Better cum better cum From foreskin rub
The whole approach about the trump-epstein connection from the right is like if Seth Rogan was arrested on marijuana charges and there was a whole group of people insisting James Franco wasn't even that close to him and certainly wouldn't smoke with him
Now do Israel
You can represent Maine or Somalia, but not both.
If I'm RFK Jr, I'm telling everyone that I managed to strong arm the government into removing chemical emissions from the airplanes and that the contrails are now harmless water vapor, "rock that keeps tigers away" style
RFK Jr is going to try and stop Chemtrails That's right Your HHS Secretary literally has a policy agenda to tackle something which is made up by conspiracy theorists and is no more real than dragons or leprechauns
Just realized I haven't turned my swag on in probably over a decade. I hope it still runs
Traveling is so dumb. You spend all this money and what do you get in exchange, memories? How often do you use memories? But a gaming PC is something I'd use every single day. So no, mom, I will not be flying home for the funeral
[first day at Domino's] Manager: oh and one more thing: don't fuck the pizzas Me: haha Asst Manager: seriously, don't fuck them Cook: dont fuck the pizzas dude Me: I'm n- Customer: that guy's not gonna fuck my pizza is he? Manager: not if he wants to keep his job he wont.
There are so many incredibly smart jokes on this show but there's one that is guaranteed to make me laugh every time
I love it when somebody tweets “what’s the best 30 rock joke” and everyone replies with their fave 30 rock joke. Can somebody pls do that? I would but I’ve done it too many times in the past and I should let somebody else have the engagement this time
An email has never once been urgent. No one emails 911
wtf is an "urgent email." stop making stuff up