Humanzee

“I can't stand in line at the store The mean little people are such a bore But it's all right if you act like a turd 'Cause I like Birds” - Mark O. Everett

Some of y’all need to refill your blinker fluid. Lots of blinkers out here are not working properly.

I was never going to change my username. If the poll didn’t go my way, I was going to claim that I was hacked.

These acquisitions are unfounded and untrue. Feathers and flowers are way more fashionable.

Back in my day when you got canceled you had to go sit at the lunch table with the weird kids. It always backfired though because the weird kids turned out to be pretty cool.

Do you remember that you could only use one cup holder? You had to keep the other one full of loose change. In case you had to use the tollway, and it had one of those coin baskets that you would violently throw coins at.

Porn got banned in the UK, but don’t worry it didn’t go away. They just moved it all onto my timeline.

Should I change my name from “Humanzee” to “Katy Perry’s burner account.”

I’ve come to the realization that you shouldn’t post angry.

Phew, that was going to be an awkward conversation with my wife.

Tom told them to turn around. Trump also announced that we will tariff the other planets if they aid & abet the caravan.

Yes. He announced today that ICE was partnering with SpaceX to build the spacewall!

Has anyone notified Tom Homan that we have an illegal space alien caravan due to arrive in November?

What if this is the rescue party coming for the aliens we keep captive at Area 51?

We can just send these “astronauts” to make first contact, and those aliens will just turn around and flee in terror.

You have until November to prepare for the alien invasion. How are you getting ready?

What happened? I used to stay up all night and still function the next day. Now I’m like, “I better take a nap, so I can stay up until 9 pm.

Forget crypto or precious metals. I’ve got the next investment of the future. Get in on the ground floor.

All these people that are idolizing Jerome Powell makes me sick. You have no idea how the federal reserve and central banking has lowered your standard of living. The dollar has lost 97% of its value since the federal reserve was established. It allows the government to spend…

I need Sydney Sweeney to endorse my 𝕏 account.

All dogs go to heaven. Then they guard the gate and don’t let anyone in if they broke treats down into smaller pieces.