HimboWisecrack

Boy. The pain of being expected to give half my wealth to my wife after paying 2/3ds of our expenses for 10 years and doing more than half the chores. I understand how divorce makes men feel like the system is turned against them.

Feeling deeply seen, cared for, loved, and desired - and feeling all that for another - in the midst of divorce is unmooring. Seeing up close what the marriage should have been all along.

The end of a long, deep love affair, right after the final rush of intimacy. Spectacular.

Feeling the warmth and reassurance of love based in trust, mutual respect, and deep care. I sincerely wish everyone gets to experience this in their life.

I've been thinking of love as both buoyancy and ballast. It lifts you up, keeps you above-water. Makes you lighter. But it centers and deepens you. Keeps you upright when the harsh wind and rough waves come.

Felt out of alignment the past couple days. Did 5 hard miles in the early morning, no headphones, no shirt, thick humidity. I feel alive, at peace, and in love again.

Thinking only of my children and the woman I'm in love with and my soul is buoyant.

Love so intense you ask "is this what a relationship is? And if so, what were all those other things I've been in for all these years?"

I miss early 2000s New York. '05-'07 it was such a glittering, optimistic place. Turned away from that toward Edison bulbs and rough wood. Now this Japandi Instagram thing. What happened to our aesthetic confidence?

"numble" should be a word. For when you are fast and effective at your job bc you're completely emotionally detached.

Synchronicity: I asked chatGPT to recommend books written from a male POV, with a lot of sensuality and interiority. It listed 20 or so. I picked one at random. Turns out it's the favorite book of the woman I'm in love with. She's read it 20x. @theralkia what is happening

My wife sang "I Will Always Love You", a song about breaking up, at our wedding reception because it was her dad's favorite song. All future problems in our marriage, even our eventual divorce, was contained in that act.

I'm fine being objectified, being subject to female or male gaze. But the insta people with their lame humor and rictus grins and desperate grasps at status. Honestly, how do they look themselves in the mirror?

I'm ripped and handsome AF so should be posting on insta. But I find the whole thing deeply demeaning.

ChatGPT makes me more effective but less empathetic.

The satisfaction of writing on the last page of your journal, marking the date on the inside front cover, and putting it away.

Viewing your bullshit tech job as deeply deadpan performance art really takes the existential dread out of it.

People who put skim milk in their coffee. Why go on living?

The harshest, most memorable criticism my dad leveled at me was being "thin skinned". He used it for years. The damage this causes - telling someone their emotions shouldn't exist, or make them weak - is deep. I'm just now, at 40, peeling that off like old linoleum.

Bizarre catharsis of spending $1000 on kids furniture on ikea.com after being utterly overwhelmed by divorce logistics.