HAARP UK

We thought we’d never have to explicitly state this, and I know this will come as a shock to some of you but… This is a parody account. To take the piss Out of people who believe in chemtrails. Most of our followers are sensible and seem to like a laugh but… A 🧵.

Dihydrogen Ionised Monoxide (DIM) is a vital ingredient in our efforts to block solar radiation causing climate change. Learn more at dhmo.org

The manufacture of a wind turbine emits a bazillion tons of CO2, 8,008,135 acres of rain forests will be felled to make 1 blade (which only lasts 2 weeks), it uses child labour, 7,175 kittens are sacrificed, and something something blah Starmer.* *Source: James Melville

Attention pilots and airlines operating in US airspace. With all the laws banning weather modification it is only a matter of time before you will have to deal with extra pointless paperwork. Why not outsource this task to us? Our trained ferrets are ready to help you.

Hope you’re all enjoying the brilliant weather in the UK. Unfortunately we’re going to have to deploy the Precipitation Enhancing Nanoparticle Infusion Spray to cool things down a little bit next week, our 99 ice cream keeps melting too quick. And nobody wants that.

It is getting warmer in the UK this weekend. “News” outlets will be posting click bait articles on social media about the weather. As we’re always happy to jump on a bandwagon then we present to you “BEHOLD! THE SCARY RED MAP OF DOOOM!” Stay safe out there folks.

While looking for a weather API for our Operations Centre we came across this one for “Government Issued Storms”. Storms issued by the government? They’re not even trying to hide it anymore. #chemtrails

We extend thoughts and prayers* to the people of Florida who are suffering greatly despite SB56. * we thought about praying but didn’t.

As Florida SB56 laws come into effect today, we have found shocking footage from a hidden camera that chemtrails and geoengineering are still taking place. Picture shows aircraft being loaded with chemicals at Orlando International (MCO)

The weather has been nice today so not much for the UK cloud shouters to get angry about. So.. We’re launching a new subscription service, OnlyClouds™ When there are no clouds in the sky to shout at, log on to OnlyClouds™ and shout as much as you like. £80.08 per month.

We chemtrailed #Glastonbury today but nobody noticed because they were all either getting worked up about Bob Villain, or sitting around smoking their fatty spliffers. Anyway we put deodorant in the trails so they’ll all smell a bit less pungent for their journey home.

We ran a poll. The results are in. You people have no taste. However we are nothing if not democratic. Actually, we’re not democratic at all so this summer you’re all getting essence of Gwyneth. On the plus side it will leave your hung out washing super soft.

Our very own chief scientist Mick Sturbs has released a book on #chemtrails. The book will teach you how to: - identify a chemtrail - guess what is in it by poking at dust on your car - make and monetise scary chemtrail posts on social media - other vague stuff Only £44.99

Lynx Africa??? Do you people not have standards?

SATAN WARNING! Wetherspoon’s small plates menu has EVIL in plain sight. It even has VEGAN EVIL! They are not even trying to hide it anymore.

We had a rather rude direct message which used naughty words and accused us of being a “77th”. Having done a bit of research it looks like we will now have to take orders from a chap with some sheep? Also there’s a thing with statue heads and biscuits. It’s all very odd.

We’re down in London making sure the geoengineering demo at Marble Arch gets a lungful of our special chemtrail mix which has some of every element on the Periodic Table in it. It produces a grey cloud cover which is only toxic to people who believe in chemtrails. Science wins!

A SUMMER OF CHEMTRAILS IS UPON US!! Which scent would you like to have in our general purpose weather control and fabric conditioning chemtrail mix?

We’re back. To do our bit for #netzero we are now using locally sourced #chemtrails mix with recyclable storage containers. The cloud above you today is 100% renewable, fully carbon neutral and also vegan, halal and gluten free.