Mike F

the other day a lady at the grocery store asked me to snap the top off of her pineapple, because she didn't want to pay for the weight of the leaves. and i agreed because i wanted to demonstrate how strong of a young man i am. and she rewarded me with a granola bar from her purse

It would be funny if McDonald's got a "Reverse Jared", where he's a big fat guy with a small pair of pants, and he's like "when I was thin I wore these. I molested kids nonstop, they couldn't catch a break. Then I got fat eating these great burgers and now I don't molest anyone"

yeah you are right. it could have been that if the writers wrote that. it also could have been an episode of the flintstones. what do you mean

werewolf is not titular in this case. because of what the title is. cant wait to watch it

this is actually a really good call. we should elect FDR again

this dog is like Balto except instead of transporting medicine, he trafficks children

I have the disease where people chewing with their mouth open sounds bad. Just found this out that most people love that sound and I have a disease where I don't.

everyone remembers where they were the first time they saw their favorite color

this policy seems very jingoistic to me. it could easily collapse if you pulled the wrong piece out

"you should always adopt/rescue, its the only moral choice" - guys who couldn't get a dog pregnant if they tried

I think my favorite "shocking fact" meme is that the Appalachian mountains are old. Like I assumed that already. There is no amount of old a mountain could be that would surprise me

tunnels go both ways baby. just go through the tunnel the next day when they're asleep (they will be tired from the heist) and get it back

just imagined a phone game where you swipe grapes into a dogs mouth. you get one point for every grape the dog eats. the game is for children ideally, but adults love it too

RIP val kilmer. i watched batman forever so many times as a young boy that my parents took the tape and hid it from me

cutting a bread bowl like its a pie and taking a slice while the soup spills all over the table

the iliad is a mostly third person combat based book with a lot of kind of boring cut scenes, but the odyssey is more like puzzle based platforming

i hate reading books that are all cut scenes and unskippable dialogue. i prefer platforming based novels, where the protagonist is described as having traversed a difficult and diverse type of terrain using a variety of mechanics

Roman guy: damn I got wasted last night... I must have had the ides of beers

texting my ancient roman boss: hey man beware, im gonna be X or the Ides minutes late today

Julius caesar: hey what are you up to man? i just bought an Ides-pack of brews Brutus: not much dude, i'll head over in like the Ides of minutes