Wayne the dental floss vaxxine provider/marshal 🦷

Wayne The Covid Marshal merch shop waynethecovidmarshal.teemill.com Voted best merch ever in the history of the internet and everything 👍🏽

5 years ago today i saved Carol and Richard from dying in the wilderness by providing them with a mobile covid tent. Covid is known to hide up trees and attack you from above, so these ingenious contraptions kept them alive until they were mauled to death by a grizzly bear.🫡🦺

Good morning jab fans, the experts estimate ive saved over 9m polar bears this week with my holiday prevention duties, so im moving on to dental floss vaccines, we dont want too many polar bears wondering around Clapham do we? I’ll be flossing OAP’s in the Asda carpark today.🫡🦺

Ive just prevented a plane load of selfish climate denying antivaxxers from flying to the Algarve and causing enormous damage in the process to the penguins in Wales. Humans can be very selfish, remember every time you turn on the kettle for a cuppa a baby koala bear drowns.🦺

I trust you have all done the right thing and cancelled your summer vacations. If you behave and dont use too much electricity or eat enough bugs i will consider lifting the ban over the Xmas period for a few days. Staycations are mandatory this summer, along with a few boosters.

Indisputable true fact of the day: No 74911🦺 The discus event in the olympics originated in Greece in 435BC when a Greek CM called Vaxinitus would throw his tinned pies as far as he could, this would cause friction which would heat the pies and cook them perfectly. #Amazing

Right, a long day of arresting selfish anti-vaxxers who think a week in Benidorm is ok while watching the polar bears drowning off the coast of Mexico. Well not on my watch. I know for certain Ken at 77 has a caravan in Bognar that he goes to every August. Well not this year.🦺

Wayne the you’re not going on holiday marshal ready and standing by. 🫡

Earlier this year i gave a Ted talk to a packed stadium about how i cope with the PTSD of seeing millions of bodies lying in the streets during Covid and how regular people like you are better off not knowing what heros like me actually went through to ensure humanities survival.

What is your cunning plan for not dying this week?🦺

I get over 62361 emails every single day from ordinary people who are not highly trained like me asking about how to stay safe should we find ourselves in a zombie apocalypse. The best advice i can give you is to have a bag ready with essentials for a few days, this is mine: 🦺

Good morning jab fans, a new week means a new wave of deadly threats, im on a tuberculosis training course this morning then im going to brush up on my death by tight socks knowledge before doing some bat brain raids later, theres no rest for a highly trained heroic marshal 🦺🫡

Im on a secret raid for a suspected bat brain virus case that has been reported to CM HQ by a concerned citizen, but they seem to have been warned of our visit and have installed anti-Covid Marshal stairs. I knew that extra wagon wheel at breakfast was a bad idea!😫😫😫🦺

Time for a test to see if any of you have what it takes to become a highly trained CM as the next pandemic is not far off and we may need to recruit a new hero. One of the people in the below image has the bat brain virus, can you use your powers of observation to find them? 🤔🦺

There are a few emergencies that not even i with all my training and items attached securely to my utility belt can tackle. Im afraid this is one you will have to deal with on your own. 🦺

Good morning jab fans, i promised you another deadly threat to your fragile existence before next week and im happy to bring to you-Brain swelling Bat virus! Do i look after you or what?! Today you will hang upside down, navigate using sonar and have a stonking head-ache. Enjoy🦺

Lets do a follow Friday as its Thursday, raise a sanitized hand for a follow a cavity check and an extra booster (while stocks last*) *there is no stock 🦺🖐🏼

You’re almost at the finishing line of another week of avoiding death like an immigrant at passport control, you’ve sidestepped washing lines, hose-pipes and red weather maps to name just a few. But im sure there is 1 or 2 more death traps before the weekend arrives. Stay alert🦺

Where did i leave those garden shears? 🤔🦺

Correct, this is a crime way past their paygrade. This calls for a special emergency worker whos had training in dealing with the kind of scum who would selfishly water their daffodils while children starve in Africa. I will be coming down like a tone of bricks on any violators🦺

When this phone rings and the little red light illuminates i spring into action like greyhound whos been up all night snorting sugar. It means somewhere a catastrophic event is about to occur and innocent people are in grave danger, thankfully it hasnt gone off for a while now.🦺