⚡️Christopher⚡️

Cloudy ☁️…with a chance of meatballs

Full-Service Tops don’t let you do any of the pumping — just sit there and look pretty until we are done & wipe off your windshield

There’s a town named Ramona near me — & all I can think about is it being filled with Romana Singer clones & they all enjoy Turtle Time & Pinot Grigio

Hanging out with my Marine friends and I keep screaming “Did you order the Code Red!?

Awww, thank you 😊

Bisexual Millennials — will now be called Bicentennials from here on out. Thank you, Mgmnt.

Just threw this book at someone

Got my toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, douche, pre-workout, protein shake, & lube — all-in-one 4.0 ounce tube

*Coaches the Players and makes them run laps 🏃🏻

Lady Gaga lyrics are basically Baby Talk — she might be a nanny who records her songs while spoon feeding children

If you are aren’t in my circle of trust You are probably in my triangle of suspicion

*Has two working eyeballs again 👀

Have you pleasured your man today? — No? And now he’s not available? — Not answering? It’s because he’s somewhere… Jacking Off!!!

🍔 & 🌭

Feelings You Might Forget….

Your Heart is not set in stone It grows — It shrinks (Over and over) It changes its mind — every beat (Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No) It never sits still (But waits for your approval)