⚡️Christopher⚡️

Full-Service Tops don’t let you do any of the pumping — just sit there and look pretty until we are done & wipe off your windshield

There’s a town named Ramona near me — & all I can think about is it being filled with Romana Singer clones & they all enjoy Turtle Time & Pinot Grigio

Got my blood drawn at the VA (on a Saturday 😑) & they made me sit here forever because I got dizzy & knocked some fancy machine over & made a bunch of noise 😵‍💫 Requesting a Quest bar.

Me when I’m reincarnated 👻🐶

Good vibrations 🫨

My Korean War grandfather used nicknames to remember his two grandchildren since he would usually get my sister and I mixed up… and my nickname was —“fucking Dodo Bird” 🦤

It’s Shark Week 🦈

I was told to stop meandering when I was actually dilly dallying so now I’m lolly gagging just to piss them off

Sex is cool and all — but have you ever reached your hand out without looking — and they somehow find it?

Hanging out with my Marine friends and I keep screaming “Did you order the Code Red!?

Awww, thank you 😊

Bisexual Millennials — will now be called Bicentennials from here on out. Thank you, Mgmnt.

Just threw this book at someone

Got my toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, douche, pre-workout, protein shake, & lube — all-in-one 4.0 ounce tube

*Coaches the Players and makes them run laps 🏃🏻

Lady Gaga lyrics are basically Baby Talk — she might be a nanny who records her songs while spoon feeding children