Captain Rob 💙💛🤍

Don't forget to congratulate yourself today. Other people may encourage you or support you, but at the end of the day you're the one that has to do it and if you've done it (whatever it is), then you should congratulate yourself. Maybe reward yourself with a new book...😊😁

Today is my birthday.🎊 I'm celebrating it in Berlin. 🇩🇪If you buy my books as a birthday gift to yourselves, they will make you laugh out loud and that will make me smile. 😊 Which would be the best birthday present ever. (Well, aside from a Ferrari, a yacht and a supermodel).

Dear "book marketing experts" 🙄 Did you know....? When you go into somebody's DMs and start a conversation that ultimately leads to, 'I can help you market your book if you pay me'...from the other person's perspective you're just a stranger on the internet asking for money.

The paperback is now out in the wild 📔 Murder! Mystery! Intrigue! Friendship! Incompetence! Homicidal monkeys! 😂 amazon.co.uk/Assassins-Soci…

The first review of my new book, 'The Assassins' Social Club 2' "I loved reading it. Made me laugh out loud. Thank you, Rob. Very entertaining. I'm looking forward to The Assassins' Social Club #3, #4, and #5!" If you want to laugh out loud...maybe you should buy it too?! 😊

Happy #FourthOfJuly to all Americans 🇺🇸 😊 Years without a tyrannical dictator: ̶2̶4̶9̶ 0 As a special offer, we in Britain are offering you all a chance to come back under our control...today only...50% off ! 🇬🇧

My new book is out today in paperback as well as Kindle. Only buy it if you like escapism, intrigue,laughter, warm characters, an interesting story....and homicidal monkeys. 😁 #WritingCommunity Amazon/Kindle

A Trump fan DM'd me to say he'd bought one of my books but didn't understand the humour 🤦‍♂️ Proof that my books are only for intelligent people with taste 😁 - The Assassins' Social Club - Six Idiots Witness a Murder Laugh until your sides split (unless you're a Trumper) 😂

Did you know...you could download the two most readable, interesting and fun books you'll ever read in your life for less than £5? Bargain! Laughter, warm characters, exotic global locations, murder, mystery and homicidal monkeys! What's not to love?! Kindle

You couldn't make it up...🙈😂

I like a chat and my DMs are open but this is how not to do it 🙈😂

For those of you who like escapism, humour, mystery and globe-trotting assassinations, this was released yesterday and has already seen its first sales 😁 Kindle version available now, paperback in a few days. The Assassins' Social Club 2. #books #readingcommunity

New book alert! Perfect for all the dads and those who tell dad jokes! amazon.co.uk/Dad-Thoughts-h…

I'm working on a project to make a robot to paint the lines on the roads. Unfortunately we can't get the software right and for the last few months have been going around in circles. Just like our robot. 😳

Some days I get so bored at work I'm tempted to do some actual work. Don't worry...it passes 😁😳

I've just been promoted to Complaints Manager at work.👏 I must be doing well because 6 of my team have complained about me already 😁😳

Do you ever look at one of your co-workers and think, 'you could be replaced by AI and no one would notice'? 😳😁

Don't forget.. as an adult you can buy yourself a large chocolate cake, take it home and eat it all by yourself in your PJs. No-one checks. 😊

New job and I have no clue what I'm doing and lied on my CV...'fake it until you make it' they said so let's give this a go 😁 *Flight AB125, you are cleared for take off. Or landing. Or you can just fly where you want. Over." 😳😂

A book just fell on my head 😳 I've only got my shelf to blame. 😁