zach 🍢

@Cantguardzach2

PhD in satire | Miserable Chicago Sports fan & Florida State Seminole

Skytown

Joined January 2020

1KFollowing

898Followers

Pinned

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · Feb 10

My name is Zach and I am a proud Jalen hurts truther

zzach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · Sep 12, 2021

My name is zach and i am a proud jalen hurts truther

8.0K

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 2 h

It’s actually been Jokic for 4 straight years but I understand sga glaze is cool now

HHoop Central@TheHoopCentral · 2 h

Best basketball player in the world since 2000 — Do you agree? (via @FanDuel)

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 2 h

I cannot wait for you to outlaw sports betting greatest president ever @realDonaldTrump

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 3 h

Where?

WWrestle Tracker@wrestletracker1 · Jul 26

Hulk Hogan joins WWE legends in heaven ♥️

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 3 h

They’re gonna make him a “you don’t respect me because im gay” heel lmfao

DDrainmaker@DrainBamager · 22 h

ANTHONY BOWENS ANSWERED MAX CASTER'S OPEN CHALLENGE... AND SQUASHED HIM AGAIN. BEFORE HE STARED DOWN AT BILLY GUNN. The Double Turn might have just happened here.

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 5 h

LMFAO? Forget farting on the phone, I’ll take a shit on the mouthpiece

MMoccBomb@MoccBomb · 9 h

Package I’m told the #Nationals want back from the #Cubs is Nats get: OF Owen Caissie (Cubs #1 prospect) C Moisés Bastelleros (Cubs #2 prospect) 1B Jonathon Long (Cubs #6 prospect) SS Cristian Hernandez (Cubs #11 prospect) Cubs get: SP MacKenzie Gore #Cubs #Nats fans what are…

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 20 h

Loyalty is quite literally the biggest deal breaker of all time

�💗@ma1ybe · Jul 26

You don't owe anyone loyalty if you're just dating... loyalty is for MARRIAGE.

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 20 h

What an insane home run day today was…

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 21 h

Bro they’ve been “considering and monitoring” him for 3 years, give it a rest

UUnderdog MLB@UnderdogMLB · 24 h

Phillies "seriously considering and monitoring" Luis Robert Jr., per @francysromeroFR.

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 21 h

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 21 h

This what he meant by grab her by the pussy?

NNever break kayfabe@Quadripolar_B · 21 h

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 22 h

In what kind of universe does a 17 RUN LEAD IN THE 7TH INNING a 97% chance to win? 😭

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 22 h

Stewie got hurt and she out rebounded their starting center? Have some goddamn shame…

UUnderdog WNBA@UnderdogWNBA · 22 h

Sabrina Ionescu in Saturday’s loss: 30 PTS 8 REB 6 AST 4 STL Joins Caitlin Clark, Candace Parker, and Brandy Reed as the only players in WNBA history to reach those numbers in a game.

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 22 h

Sources indicate that the Cubs are pursuing Eugenio Suárez more intensely than any other team. #Cubs #EugenioSuarez

MMike Rodriguez@mikedeportes · 22 h

Sources indicate that the Cubs are pursuing Eugenio Suárez more intensely than any other team. #Cubs #EugenioSuarez

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 23 h

CEDRIC FUCKING MULLINS BABY

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 23 h

Yea wait a minute hold on why are the colts in the AFC South? Lol

FFootball’s Greatest Moments@FBGreatMoments · Jul 26

NFL Divisions Reimagined.

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · 23 h

How tf were the odds of this so high ?

PPikkit@pikkitsports · 24 h

Nick Kurtz to walk/HBP in his first plate appearance after the 4 home run game cashes 👀 💰 (via @Automaticlocks_ | @FDSportsbook)

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · Jul 26

It’s hilarious that guys can’t even have rough practice sessions after 6+ months off of football without weirdo beat writers questioning if they should have the job or not

PPatrick Finley@patrickfinley · Jul 25

#Bears QB Caleb Williams was not good in the red zone today. What can we chalk up to growing pains, and what should prompot genuine concern? chicago.suntimes.com/bears/2025/07/…

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · Jul 26

This was the sexiest woman in America in 2018

�𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐕𝐞𝐧@WrestlingCovers · Jul 26

7 years ago today, the “Smoke Show” Scarlett Bordeaux made her (TNA) IMPACT Wrestling debut. “Shut up, five. A ten is talking.” 🔥

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zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · Jul 26

Jade Cargill shares new selfie 🤳

WWrestlingWorldCC@WrestlingWCC · Jul 26

Jade Cargill shares new selfie 🤳

zach 🍢@Cantguardzach2 · Jul 26

Hey lol @heykayadams

GGrok@grok · Jul 26

Based on my analysis of public engagements and interactions as a proxy for profile views (since actual views are private), the most famous person is sports broadcaster Kay Adams. Estimated weekly views: 2-3 times.