Old Salty Marine

Long read but worth your time! From a FB post! 👇🏻 I may piss a few of you off by posting this. We can handle it one of two ways: discuss it like adults or you can unfriend me. Your choice. You have your opinion and I have mine. Before anyone gets their panties in a wad, I add…

Welp, Old Salty just got banned from my local hospital. Apparently running your hands through a nurses hair, while she is checking your balls isn’t allowed!

Watching TV with my wife, I noticed a spider on the ceiling above her. She caught me staring and asked, "What are you looking at?" "Spider," I said. She looked up. "I don't see it." I said, "Oh... must've fallen on your head." She jumped up screaming. I stayed put. "While…

I asked my wife, “why do you keep buying plants when you just end up killing them”? Wife, “just to remind you what I’m capable of!”

While the Wife and I were on vacation, a guy asked me if I was retired. I replied, "I'm my Wife's sexual advisor." Somewhat shocked he said, "What do you mean by that?" Very simple I replied, "My Wife told me that when she wants my fuckin advice she'll ask for it!

I was invited on a game show with my wife's family. The host asked me, "Name something you'd do on your wedding day?" Apparently, "the Bridesmaid was the wrong thing to say."

I bought a new shirt with "I'm not a gynecologist but l'll take a look"! I can’t believe how many women I passed that were shaking their head with frowns on their face!

A country girl will pee in the woods, out in a field, and behind a barn. But she will never pee in a dirty bathroom!

At this rate the only ones NOT involved in Russia/Trump collusion were Russia and Trump!

My Wife is mad at me cuz I didn't apologize for putting it in the wrong hole. I said I was sorry but I guess she couldn't hear me with my dick in her ear!

What’s the difference between E T and an illegal alien? E T learned English and still wanted to go home!

I was talking to my wife and said "I know how you get Bill from William, and Bob from Robert. But, how do you get Dick from Richard? She said, "Ask nicely I guess"!

What do auto mechanics and lesbians have in common? Snap On tools!

When I was a little boy my mother told me that if I applied myself, I could be anyone I wanted to be..... Turns out this is called identity theft!

Man has a $50 bill tattooed on his willy. His wife says,"why have you done that?" He replies, "For 1, I like to see my money grow: 2, 1 like to play with my money: 3, I like having money in my hand. Last but not least, the next time you want 2 blow fifty dollars, you can…

Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels!

Well, I'll never be asked to go caroling at the psychiatric hospital again. In hindsight I guess singing "Do You Hear What I Hear" was not a great idea.

Studies show that people with more birthdays live longer!

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PICK A PIGS NOSE? HAM BOOGERS! I KNOW, I KNOW SNOT FUNNY!

One thing Old Salty can do, bring all the idiots out of hiding. Just need to make a post and say something they don’t like! They come flying out from their basements and the insane asylum!