&!^

To the surprise of absolutely no one: over 70% of our badges will be given away, earned, or otherwise mysteriously acquired during @defcon. Yes, hacker nerds, you might actually have to do something. Visit @5n4ck3y for details or don't.

Congrats on getting a shipping label. No, your badge isn’t “on the way.” It’s sitting in a bin next to a broken label printer and a half-eaten bag of funyuns. It'll move. In the next 48 hours. Probably. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

A few people have received their badges. They're probably so overwhelmed by the sheer chaos and blinding beauty they’ve lost the ability to tweet. Or they’re still rebooting. Emotionally. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

The road to DEF CON is paved with good intentions, broken badge prototypes, and at least one melted USB hub. Flights are late, code is cursed, someone packed 200 LEDs but forgot pants. But hey—we’re almost there. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Shipments are on their way. Soon. Maybe. Or not. Honestly, the badges might already be in your house. Or Maine. Which, as we’ve established, isn’t real. Track at your own risk. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Yes, the LVCC food court costs more than your first car. But thanks to our sponsors @urbanesec, @ctfdio, and some chaotic philanthropists, the @5n4ck3y contest is still 100% free. Best deal in Vegas. And probably the only one that judges you. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Checkout all the states we shipped badges to. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

ALMOST GONE 👀

Reminder: it’s @wiglenet’s WWWD this weekend. Maybe—just maybe—touch some grass, catch some WiFi, and absorb a trace of vitamin D. Your new shiny badge will still be here. Judging you. Silently. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Every year @DCZia505 has a badge design so shiny they make our firmware bugs look intentional. We’re over here fighting 5n4ck3y’s wrath and bootloop demons—meanwhile their badge looks like it was forged in a glitter-drenched neutron star. Respect #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Yes, we printed labels. Some have moved. For OPSEC, we’ve routed all shipments through a shell logistics company in Shenzhen, bounced them off a weather balloon, and re-entered via Maine, we think. You’ll get it when the fog clears. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

FYI @Ch1pQu1k designed a challenge so cursed, so mentally corrosive, we genuinely considered locking it in a lead-lined Git repo. We’re releasing it anyway. If it breaks you—just know it broke us first. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

@ANDnXOR loves #BLING so we expect our members to BRING IT. 👷‍♀️👷🏽‍♂️ Want to join? A hardhat gets you in! Personalize it the way you want and let's celebrate all the creations at @defcon #dc33!

While the rest of us are out here hot-gluing LEDs to hard hats, @Cannibal is casually soldering atoms with vibes and a microscope made of regret. We don’t understand his projects—we just fear their elegance. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

We normally don't post here but... Introducing the #defcon33 DCZia #badgelife badge: The DCZia Zippy Badge! Did you ever want to wear a zipdisk around your neck and have it blink 🚨? Now you can! tindie.com/products/hamst… Shout-outs to the DCZia crew getting this together #defcon

Here we go again. Badge boots, fog rolls in, systemd spirals—and guess who needs rescuing again? That’s right. Matt Damon. We’re one incident away from tattooing rescue coordinates on his forehead. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Huge thanks to @cr4bf04m for designing @5n4ck3y to be emotionally unstable, vaguely hostile, and legally unfit for vending. Nothing says “user experience” like a snack machine that judges your posture before dispensing badges. We’re so proud. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

We powered up @5n4ck3y and she immediately failed a self-check, insulted the badge team, and demanded tribute. She’s been boxed up for 10 months and still woke up with more attitude than the rest of us combined. Pray she doesn’t update herself. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

Look, @5n4ck3y’s been in storage for 10 months. You’d be unstable too if you woke up with expired snacks, 3% battery, and a firmware timestamp from 2023. She's not angry, just... re-calibrating hostility. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

This year’s highlight? A 300lb AI vending machine yeeting a badge across the room for trying to SSH in without consent. We caught it on video. We did not catch the badge. @5n4ck3y does not negotiate. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon

It’s Stage 3, and the badge "enthusiasts" are getting twitchy. Relax. Your suffering is part of the experience. #mainedoesnotexist #mattdamon