Valet Parker

Valet Parker ❤️❤️ Las Vegas 💫💫 Can I push your buttons and touch your joystick? 🕹🕹

⚠️ Root access to me during DefCon & Black Hat is almost fully patched. If you’re hoping to penetrate my perimeter, better submit those booking requests now—before the firewall (and my dance card) closes. 💻💋 #DEFCON #BlackHat #CyberSnatch Here I am in all my glory, waking up…

Smart enough to fix your tie, dangerous enough to undo it later, with intent. Requests are already rolling in for mid-August, so if you’re hoping for a July or August booking, better get those forms filled out and filed before someone smarter beats you to it.

Do you know anything about SW? Many clients seek out a companion to go out to dinner with, have stimulating conversation, laughter, learn something about someone new. Many hope for an intellectual connection, some are just lonely, looking for someone to have a fun, memorable…

I wanna be a hysterical woman in the 1880s Therapy wise it was the best time for the ladies I don’t want introspection I don’t wanna grow If I have an inner child, I don’t wanna know I don’t wanna analyze all my pain I just want to orgasm and free cocaine

Do not postpone enjoyment. If you have the opportunity to then take it!

Always a good time!!

This isn’t just any Tuesday. It’s your lucky one. linktr.ee/exclusivemuse

MIAMI- What are your favorite restaurants right now? Drop your favorites below 🍽️✨💋

UPDATE: No longer available until Wednesday next week 💕 Plan ahead whenever possible because if you don't, somebody else is.

One way to announce you have zero bookings & unlimited free time? Submitting 30+ plastic surgery referrals for another escort’s face. Nose job? Chin sculpting? Weight loss surgery?? Rose, you’re not subtle. You’re just chronically unemployed and pathologically insecure. We see…

Choking during sex is so overrated….I want someone to throw me out of a plane.

This is what happens when civilians reinvent sex work with minimum wage, no exit plan, and a man who thinks giving you $20 makes him generous instead of replaceable.

Both Pisces, both irresistible — basically, we’re the sign from the universe that it’s time to book that duo you’ve been dreaming about.

The only thing better than being found innocent is the judge ordering the person who falsely accused you to pay your attorney’s fees

Still alive, still hot, just stupid busy. Sorry my page is giving “witness protection program” right now, life and work have been a whirlwind (the good kind). But if you’ve been lurking and thinking about seeing me, this is your sign: get those forms in before August fills up.…

Just updated my wishlist with beautiful books and tragic animated masterpieces (yes, The Last Unicorn is on there, obviously). If you feel like spoiling a softcore literature goblin today… I’ll adore you forever. 📚🦄💋 throne.com/valetparker

Imagine if your skeleton was slightly sentient and just passively judged you for your posture all day.

They talk about “STDs” like they’re experts, but the only thing they’ve ever caught is an L, over and over again.

Imagine thinking sex work is gross but somehow your broke, bitter, unwashed, and unrequested self isn’t.

Saturday’s Affirmation, repeat after me I am aligned with abundance and prosperity. Meanwhile, Chad is aligned with his mom’s Wi-Fi, asking me to ‘accept payments in installments.’ Namaste.🌟