tate
@50FirstTates
just body after body busting out of shit wood and hittin pavement
asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life
some dude in line in front of me at chipotle just asked for a sample of the pinto beans and took a small taste of them and after a long pause calmly said “they’re acceptable”
not now, kitten. daddy is coping with the relentless passage of time
a bird just pooped on me on my way to work and everyone was like “that’s good luck!" is it??? kinda feels specifically like bad luck shit just fell on me from the sky
my girlfriend will call me handsome but won't HAND me SOME more beers when i'm finished with my other beers haha i love my girlfriend I shouldn’t have said that
i love the conspiracy theory that bill and hilary clinton were in a non-monogamous relationship but chose to call what happened infidelity because the public could forgive that but they couldn't forgive being poly
fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, i'll kill myself i swear to fucking god
im thinking about taking antidepressants but what if it works and i start doing embarrassing shit like posting instagram stories
just saw a tiktok of someone saying they’re “never buying garlic again” after they discovered “this hack” and literally planted garlic in their backyard a grew more. brother do u think u just discovered agriculture???
he's holding a 75 inch 4K samsung smart tv
The Russian Member of Parliament Nikolai Valuev has been banned from entering Azerbaijan over his anti-Azeri remarks
apple loves making photo montages called "memories throughout the years<3" and then show the most heinous photos of me that exist to the tune soft jazz
“what are you doing for new years eve?” first of all i’m not sure i even exist
(at the tavern, 16th century) bro you cannot horse and buggy home. you’ve had too much ale. bro give me your reins right now
stop putting water in the hand soap. it’s not more soap. you’re not creating more soap. i promise you
you know rfk ain't letting the crunch wrap supreme stay legal we must demand a recount
sick of cons. every situation just when i think it's only pros here come the cons. and then the weighing of them. jesus christ the weighing