Swerdy

It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.

My favorite part about this app is it’s impossible to tell what’s satirical anymore.

Idk who needs to hear this, but “evidence based medicine” just means certified pharmaceutical propaganda.

If you told me that, you’d probably be correct.

Milo gets it

That argument is like saying meth is safer than fentanyl: still not a great look.

I’ll take the third option (drinking bleach)

The root cause of cancer is a mustard gas deficiency. The root cause of depression is SSRI deficiency. The root cause of chronic pain is opioid deficiency. The root cause of baldness is a hair transplant deficiency. The root cause of aging is a plastic surgery deficiency.…

I have an appointment later today! My doctor’s rates are unbeatable (this is my third time going this week)

You didn’t ask but you needed this. You’re welcome.

Or… hear me out: go outside, sit in the sun, touch grass. Nature’s original biohack.

One thing about me is I’m gonna refer to Billie Eilish as ‘William Eyelash’, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

❌ Blow up and act like you don’t know nobody ✅ Level up with your homies and win together

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.

And chemo was originally derived from mustard gas, so by the transitive property, Accutane is technically a war crime.